Good morning world! I planned a fourth of july party and it was fun. No one wanted to help with stuff as usual.... bla! i almost wrote bra... Thats' what i get for using a dvorak keyboard--the r and l are right next to each other. I miss phone conferences! I miss all the friends that disappeared. Holly and Darcy need to add my new msn before I attack with my army of giant canadian-eating camels! I squashed a big juicy bug! It really should not have crawled on my arm... It went splat. I didn't know such a small bug had so much juice in it! How do they get all the straws inside the little paper wrappers?
This happened to me yesterday! True absalutely true! Written and edited by Carrie Delecourt.
Professor Sexton and the Burrito Mishap
That morning, for some inexplicable reason, Professor Sexton decided he wanted some burritos for breakfast. He opened the freezer and rummaged through the contents, frozen pizza, bags of frozen peas, frozen broccoli, frozen artichoke hearts, chicken à la king. He found the burritos, unwrapped them, covered them generously with grated cheddar cheese, then set them in the microwave.
The phone in his bedroom rang. Who would be calling him at four in the morning? He wondered. It could only be one person. Francine.
“Hello,” he said gruffly into his phone.
“Did I wake you?” Francine asked.
“What do you think?”
“I think you were already awake,” Francine guessed.
Professor Sexton grunted.
The microwave tinged in the kitchen.
“Just a second,” he said.
“Where are you going?” he heard her ask as he set the phone down on the desk.
Professor Sexton, wearing only a tee shirt, of course, since it was only four in the morning, retrieved his burritos from the microwave. He grabbed a fork on his way out of the kitchen and headed for the dining room with his plate. He switched on the television, then he remembered Francine on the telephone in his bedroom.
“What took you so long?” she pouted.
His computer beeped. Jennifer! He propped the phone between his ear and his shoulder and tried to balance the plate of burritos and the fork while he reached for the keyboard. The plate wobbled perilously. “Just a minute.” He set the plate of steaming burritos on his swivel chair.
“What are you doing?” Francine asked curiously. “Was that your computer?”
“No, that was my fork falling on the floor,” said Professor Sexton crossly.
The computer beeped again impatiently.
“What fork?” asked Francine.
Professor Sexton sat down on his chair and immediately felt a searing sensation on his buttocks. He stood up abruptly and suddenly remembered the plate of burritos, which were now smeared over his bottom half and sending waves of unbearable pain throughout his entire body. “Ouch!” he bellowed.
“What? What?” Francine cried into the phone.
Professor Sexton had never felt such pain, especially in that area. He dropped the phone and reached for something, anything. He grabbed a pillow, ripped the pillowcase off and tried to remove the blistering cheddar cheese. Francine was shouting and the computer had stopped beeping.
Professor Sexton threw down the pillowcase. He reached over and clicked off the phone, cutting off Francine in mid-sentence. The computer was silent. Jennifer was gone. His breakfast was on his pillowcase. His buttocks were throbbing. He would not be able to sit down for the rest of the day, probably, and wondered if he needed to go to the emergency room.
Professor Sexton returned to the freezer for the bag of frozen peas. As he applied them gingerly to his scorched and blistered bottom, he thought it might be a good idea to start wearing boxers again.